On being away...

I miss my son... I miss the nights I kiss him good night... the way I touch his head slightly with a rhythmic motion so that he can fall asleep... his funny jokes...his goodbye kiss before going to school.... and the countless ways he makes me feel happy... River... I just want you to know that I miss you so much... going away for a while may seem to break all the daily routines we used to do when I was there with you..pero onte na lang anak...mabubuo na tayong tatlo:)

This is our bunso...

Not so long ago... she was our pinaka makulit na sister:)Bunsong bunso yan lalo na sa daddy ko:)

Kami naman somehow we became protective of her..

There was a time na may nang-away sa kanya sa montessorri naku...sinugod naming apat na ate!!!Lahat kami suot namin different uniforms namin sa school.. Me wearing my CAFA uniform sa Ust..si mapi ang mala-police nyang pilot uniform sa Airlink.. si baby ang pasossy nyang st.paul uniform:)... at si venus..hehheh high school pa lang eh... sanfe muna:) well anyways... ayun sugod kami kasi alam namin pinag iinitan bunso namin... hahahaha... hindi nagpakita ang kalaban!!! Takot lang nya sa amin... hay naku... have so many memories with joy and the rest of my tugangs!!! pero ngayon isa ito sa di ko makakalimutan...HAns... Mahalin mo baby sister namin ha...:)congrats guys!!!

grabe tol... alam ko naka ngiti si daddy habang nakikita nya na nag lalakad ang bunso nya simbahan... alam naman nating lahat nandun din sya:) Sa bagong life mo ngayon... Huwag mo kakalimutan na nandito parin kaming lahat para sa iyo... sa inyo pala... ni hans:)

congrats...
from your equally beautiful ates...:)

Every woman should have.....

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her of how far she has come...
....enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own...even if she never wants to and needs to...
....something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
....a youth she is content to leave behind...a past juicy enough that she is looking forward to retelling it in her old age.......the realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it..a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.......one friend who always makes her laugh.......and one who lets her cry.......a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.......eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.......a resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.......a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

....how to fall in love without losing herself...
....how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend
without ruining the friendship.......when to try harder...and when to walk away.......how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose toattend...
....how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents......that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it is over....what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
....how to live alone...even if she doesn't like it...
....who she can trust, who she can't and why she shouldn't take it personally...where to go..be it to her best friend's kitchen table..or a charming inn in the woods..when her soul needs soothing...
....what she can and can't accomplish in a day..month..and a year... This was sent to me by a friend...hope you enjoyed reading it:)

CARPE DIEM: If you have only a month to live....what would you do?

CARPE DIEM: If you have only a month to live....what would you do?

If you have only a month to live....what would you do?

If you have only a month to live....what would you do?For the many years of my life..I usually use this question,,, somehow as a guide....??!For what???I dunno..for simple actions...for long term decisions... for the much needed motivations...for being the person that I am now :).... Minsan kse we take things forgranted if we feel that laging may time pa.....Ako di ako masyado na naniniwala sa hula...pero when there were times na nakaka meet kami ng mga may psychic abilities... laging nasasabi sa akin na i'd die in my early 40's.... Grabe no?first time ko narinig yun I was in college pa ..siguro mga 20 ako... now that I'm 32...Am I scared??? Actually hindi naman...parang happy nga ako eh kse bata pa ako nabago na perspective ko sa life.... alam mo yun... parang minamadali ko lahat... yun tipo bang gusto ko madami akong ma meet na friends...na madami akong makasamang mabubuting tao and for them to know my son(ganun Dad ko..nung bata pa kami lalo na ako pag may mga kausap sya lagi nya ako pinakikilala di ko ma understand yun dati lagi nya sinasabi "mga kaibigan ...eto si Cel panganay ko ito... pag nagawi sa inyo ang anak ko huwag nyo pababayaan ha")grabe maski an tagal na nun alam ko pa sound ng voice ng dad ko pag sinsabi nya yun sa mga group pag may occassion sa amin...Now ko lang na understand ng may sarili na din akong anak..ganun pala yun..grabe gusto mong ibigay na proteksyon :)syempre If I die at an early age kawawa naman nag iisang anak ko... his dad will always be there for him pero..alam mo yun...iba yung maraming kasama sa buhay:)...minsan dami tumatakbo sa isip ko...
feeling ko pa onte na ng pa onte ang panahon ko para makagawa ng difference sa life ng mga tao na kilala ko... Hay naku... Dami kong naiisip pero gawan kko muna ng list ..para di ko makalimutan..and eventually malalaman ko if na live ko ang life ko the fullest maski di katagalan:) at kung di naman matuloy ang hula?? eh di mas maganda..I have achieved things na agad maski di pa masyado matanda ....
anyways...eto na..
1.Be a great photographer...maski sa standards lang ng family and friends ko:)
kse when they feel na na capture ko angmga great memories sa lives nla and it made them smile..happy naka ako:)
2.adopt a piece of forest sa La mesa ecopark and have it named after my dad:)I love you daddy...
3.Send my son sa London ....para sa studies nya:)(kaya ba yun in one month?)hahahah
4.Help relatives in Bicol ...yun gusto mag baka sakali sa manila...(i'll continue my dads mission "to give chances to those who have none"
5.to be able to support a dear friend in need...
6. to be able to serve God...
7.to see my friends in SANFE...
8.HONEYMOON ulit:)
9.to be able to make a difference in someones life...
10.leave my important belongings to my family and my son.....
11.to patch things up with my sis...
12.to show my mom that even if we disagree...I will always love her...
13.to give my husband unconditional love:)
14.to travel...travel..travel...
15.
16.
17.
naku dami pa ... di ko pa matatapos...

Bilog ang Mundo

took this sunrise photo while we had to
stop for a gas somewhere in North...

Bilog ang Mundo...It’s a favorite line that I always use whenever I talk to people.....about life and it's ups and downs... In this day and age where you can’t find hope from the hassles of everyday living… The only thing that keeps me sane is this phrase “ Bilog ang Mundo” And what does this mean?? Nope I’m not advertising a liquor commercial(with groovy Punjabi beat …Ginebra Ad) Even before that famous ad.. I have been using this phrase…. And for me it means HOPE!!!Yes..Hope.. that somehow things will be better...that somehow everything will change …that somehow I can say...this too shall pass…Uhhhmmmm…am I being too optimistic..Maybe!!! Maybe it’s this feeling of optimism that keeps me going… Maybe the everyday heroes I see lights up my life… like my mom… my sisters…a friend…our parish priest…an honest officer…my dear son…Filipinos abroad esp. my sister Mapi...the memory of my father Ben…etc.. I can’t change the fact that things are not going well… in our country…and sometimes in our life… But what we can change is how we try to see things in a different perspective… The Whys?? To WHY NOT??the SANA to DAPAT… the I can’t do it… to Just Do It!!! the Wala to Meron ...the Malas o Swerte..Really..!! It's how we want to see things talaga..Like the kid and the shoe... yun story na a certain kid is so pissed off without a new shoe...pero when he see's another crippled kid in a wheelchair he's perspective of life changed!!!Mga ganun' tipo ba.....Well hey… this is me ..I dunno about you…but again..I always say BILOG ANG MUNDO….there’s always a time to shine and while you're waiting ...SMILE (BE THANKFUL THAT YOU ARE ALIVE)

Our Baguio Trip

My mom invited us to go to Our lady of Manaoag Church in Pangasinan to attend mass with her...t'was a 5 hour trip because our driver was not that familiar with the location... after the mass the group decided to go to Baguio for lunch and a little tour... It was my moms first bday without my dad on her side....:( Miss you dad!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!!

Dare the risk

To Laugh is to risk appearing the fool...
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach for another is to risk involvement...
To expose your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss...
To love is to risk not to be loved in return...
To live is to risk dying.....
To believe is to risk failure....
Only a person who risks...IS FREE....

author unknown

A Decade and One

It's Rivers birthday!!!!
11 years ago.... I had the most wonderful experience of my life.... Giving birth to a 7.7 lbs. bouncing baby boy.... Yup he was our little prince.. Everyone in the family loved him from the moment he was born...Why the name...River Strauss? Well Mapi and I both loved River Phoenix that time :) and Strauss for Levi's Strauss our official maong :) His Nangnang Mapi gave him that nickname "ILOG" ...since he's real name is River and Ilog sounds like irog(term of endearment )thats why we still call him by that nickname up to now....River is a very precious child... He would always make us smile by his little antics...at aged 2 he learned to tinker with the computer(talino nyan grade 1 or 2 best in computer !!!)...memorized funny tv commercials:)..dances like nobody is watching:)(aserehe-ha!!!:),storytells like an old man :)Hay naku!!!I could go on and on (heheheh..obvious na stage mom!!)But I would like to stop muna and thank the people who showered my only son with love and affection.... to Nangnang Mapifor your unconditional love & concern (miss you so much)...for Tababa for your love and understanding(even if he's medyo alaskador!!)... to teacher Nev together with tito jay & kylie for all the thoughtful things you do(preparing meals & teaching stuffs:)... for Duydoy for always being his naynay and for the numeruous times you let him share your bed..:)to future tito hans for all the gifts and pag -aalaga!!! Mabalos dear tugangs!!!For my mom ...for being a great lola... thank you for all the love...you are the world's best lola... and pinaka-pretty pa !!!For Pids' mom..chelsean & christian thank you for your love:)to all my friends..esp.tito pogi(MARK)....tito paul... tita babziee...tita allin... tita weng...tita annie..ninang joy and ninang lourie I will never forget your kindness and affection for Ilog!!! Thanks:)And most of all ... Thank you to My DAD!!! My Ilog's look-a-like.. he's partner in crime... his kakampi...his walking buddy...his taga-suklay...and his no.1 fan!!! DAD thanks!!! Words will never be enough to show you how grateful I am to have you as my sons' dear LOLO BEN!!!He will forever treasure the first 10 years of his life... because those were the times spent with you!!!Dad it's Ilogs birthday and I know nag papa-inom ka na dyan sa heaven(heheheh)We miss you and we love you!!! And to Our Dear God... for giving us all this people ...who shared so many goodtimes with my son and will continue to enjoy great moments pa... Thanks po!!! At kay Pids...na napakabuting Dad ni Ilog ... Sobrang salamat sa pagiging napakabait mong daddy at ka buddy ng ating munting prinsipe!!!
We love you River..Happy birthday!!!

mom & dad
Son Before you were conceived… We wanted you… Before you were born..We loved you… An hour before you came out.. I would die for you… HAPPY 11TH B-day River
Lovin'you
Mom

My Dads Sinangag:)

Today is Good Friday... in a few hours..The traditional re-enactments of Christs' last days will start... then the procession will follow...hhhhmmmmmmnnnn..I remember when I was still a kid..we would always join the procession...even if it means super long walks...with occassional spills of melted candle in our hand ...hehehhe (ouch!!)Yup!!!We're always there... and everytime we go back home...
a familiar smile greets us...Our Dads' :)...together with that delicious smell of a freshly cooked sinangag meal!!! Yup ..our official good friday meal !!! It's so delicious you don't need anything else to go with it:)hehehhe!!!This is our first Holy week without him..and I can't help but remember the usual preparations of our good ol'sinangag ala BEN:)and the little things like...he's gentle wave of good-bye when we're about to leave for the procession..he's smile when we get home ...his stories...his voice...his presence... Dad we miss you so much!!! Thank you for all the good memories... thank you for loving us...
thank you for preparing things for us...thank you for being a great dad!!! Didn't know you'd leave us so soon.... :( But I know that you're happy in heaven now... maybe preparing that delicious meal again...for lola..lolo and your kuyas up there...
WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU DAD !!!We love you so much!!!!

meet the real river....

This is River Strauss Alamo Jacob...my son :) a very charming little boy who always makes me feel special.... I am so blessed to have him...and in less than a week he's turnin' 11.....yup... a decade and one...so for you baby...ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
and I love you so much...

love..
Mom

one of my favorite songs.....

I AM WOMAN
Helen Reddy

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

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Missed opportunity:(

Was suppose to meet my sister in Cebu yesterday....
In my mind I was planning a vacation with my mom and my son...
probably another sister in tow..
a perfect opportunity to make my mom and my sister happy...
but it didn't happen... I felt bad:(
I was really hoping to spend some time with my sister... I missed her so much...
And being out there on her own.... struggling with the everyday hassles of life...I really wanted to see her smile..I really felt so down yesterday....If only
I had enough money to bring my mom and my son,,,I know that somehow I could make them all happy....(even for a few days) well... thats life!!!
It s#cks!!! and I have to do something about it.... I have to turn things around....I have to work hard .....Things like this makes me more inspired...???challenged..???hopeful..?? oh heck!!! whatever term that is...
What I truly want is to make my family smile again....
Without our dad I know things will always be difficult ....
But striving to make things work again....be complete... be hopeful of the future...
I know somehow I CAN MAKE IT.....
and these missed opportunities??!!!!
Ahhhhh.... it will never happen again....:)

I miss my dad....

It's been more than 5 months almost half a year since my dad passed away and i miss him terribly...I cannot seem to get over the fact that I can never hug him again.. or make mano(our traditional way of showing respect).. I miss his hearty laughter from watching noontime tv shows.. his smile when he see's my son enter the room...His gentle wave of goodbye when we go out...his never ending stories about his childhood life.... oh!!!! I miss my dad.... Our regular 3 pm coffee break.... our small talks... our never ending discussions about..life... politics... love for family....love for country... and especially for God... Ahhhh!!! I truly miss my source of direction...our families mainman!!!Our lifelong hero.... Our Dad:)
Dad... Hope you're always happy watching over us.... we love you so much!!!!